Saturday, 27 September 2014

DNA New World IPA

Dogfish Head/Wells’


“Let’s put these two things in a jar then shake it and make them fight!"

Or maybe make them do The Other Thing. You know what I’m on about.

Yeah you do.

Tuesday, 23 September 2014

Pistonhead Kustom Lager (and Journalistic Corruption)

I'm glad I'm a beer writer.

Recently the world of video game journalism has been publicly and embarassingly ripped apart by the Gamergate scandal, which is basically a load of angry nerds abusing video game writers and developers (many of whom are those dangerous vagina-owners that you see sashaying around like they own the place) because a female game developer crushed her ex's feelings with her whole "having a sex life" deal.

The crux of it is "journalistic integrity" and this idea that video game journalism is somehow riddled with corruption . It also gives a lot of angry poindexters an excuse to call women cunts in public and get applauded for it.

I want to ensure that my beer writer credentials are clean and shiny in case we get Beergate, so here's a review I wrote for Rum and Reviews, published a year ago today, of a beer which I got FOR FREE from a brewery.

I know, right? I'm a total suckfish. Brutal Brewery gave me a promotional four pack of Pistonhead Kustom Lager so you SHOULDN'T READ THIS REVIEW.

Don't read this review on your phone.

Don't read this review on your laptop.

Don't read this review while real journalists are going into warzones protected only by a flak jacket and the word PRESS daubed on it big and white and clear to report on the worst crimes and greatest sacrifices of mankind.

Here's a beer review from a corrupt bastard. Don't believe a word that comes out of my whore mouth.


Thursday, 18 September 2014

Mongozo Coconut

Mongozo Beers


For months now my girlfriend Emma has been on at me to review Mongozo Coconut, one of her favourite beers and also (brace for romanticism) one of the first beers (outside of our now legendary one-night completion of the bottle and can list our local Wetherspoon’s) I shared with her. So here it is, typed the beer hack as he caved to the pressure of an incessant Glaswegian. Mongozo Coconut.

Sunday, 14 September 2014

Shipyard Brewing Co Fuggles IPA

Shipyard Brewing Co


All things come to an end. Except The Simpsons, man’s inhumanity to man and the fact that aviator shades are the coolest thing on the planet. Maine-based Shipyard Brewing’s Fuggles IPA is none of these and has been discontinued which, for some reason, has led to the bargain beer shops of the UK being flooded with it.

Your correspondent’s local branches of Aldi, B&M Bargains and Home Bargains have all stocked it recently. Obnoxious divorce lawyers cost a lot of money so until I can pull a dying old rich guy from a car crash and get into his will you’ll have to put up with me cracking the occasional bottle of very cheap beer in the names of journalism and not defaulting on the mortgage.

Thursday, 11 September 2014

Sainsbury's Taste the Difference London Porter

Shepherd Neame


Nights are getting longer. Cold mornings are setting in. We have sacrificed slave upon slave to the sun god but to no avail, because Autumn is swaggering our way, swinging a big bag of pumpkins and dry leaves. The cold is coming and it’s time to drink porter.

I’ve always held a soft spot for the beers supermarkets contract out to relatively small breweries. They’re always a middle ground price-wise, and often a middle ground in terms of quality, between the heavy hitters of the craftosphere and the Desperation Beers that only become palatable when the bank balance hits the minuses. Plus Sainsbury’s Taste the Difference London Porter has a bird on the label, and when you’re dating a lady who is obsessed with them you start buying bird things almost subconsciously.